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Polygyny (also inaccurately called polygamy) in Australia
There’s a bit of a storm in a teacup brewing downunder over some comments made by a couple of Muslim blokes hoping that polygyny might be made legal in Australia. My first reaction was “be patient and wait until gay marriage is legalised, then there’s no problems with polygyny.” But apparently it’s got more than a few people’s knickers in knots.
I used to belong to the “polygyny is outrageous” camp, and I remember my ears going red and my cheeks puffing out when someone suggested that there might be a credible argument made for it in modern times. But, after coming to know a few women in polygynous families, I started to have a more relaxed attitude. Not all of those relationships have been hunky-dory all of the time, but I figure if they want to and can make it work - who am I to say no. Consenting adults and all that. I have to confess it now seems strange to me that we live in a permissive society that says “take as many mistresses as you like, but just don’t do the honorable thing by them and support them and the children you have with them.”
Anyway I got asked to do a piece for the local rag on the topic, so here you go.
Tags: In the Rag
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June 29th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Salam Rachel,
Interesting article. However, I disagree with you that polygamy can be better regulated in an Islamic Society. Coming from a predominantly Muslim country, I’ve seen it being abused many times.
Men will often marry the second time because the woman is unable to conceive, they will remarry for more dowry. Very rarely have I seen Pakistani law step in to protect these women who according to the local law can refuse a man to marry the second time without their permission. That is rarely a problem for these men, but if it ever is, a good ol’ beating or threats is always handy.
Furthermore, women are also a part of this systematic abuse. Men’s mothers or sisters are good at inciting them to remarry. They are good at threatening their daughter/sister-in-laws and more than often the first wife will present psychiatric conditions. Because of this, I am all for the ban on polygamy because I have never seen a woman particularly the first wife living happily in such a marriage.
June 29th, 2008 at 1:07 am
wasalams Hassan,
How r u akhee?
I think it does depend a great deal on the society and the culture of the participants within the society. A big clue as to how ‘Islamic’ a particular society is, is how the women are treated in comparison to the Prophetic example. (Not to mention Islam requires the dowry be paid by the man to the woman, not the other way around which is a Hindu custom).
As I mentioned in the article, I think much depends on the autonomy of the women involved. If we compare the situation of women of the Prophet’s era, with the women in some Muslim cultures, the picture could not be more opposite. One of the parts of my article that got edited, was where I pointed out the great-granddaughter of the Prophet sued her husband for divorce when he tried to break the monogamy stipulation in her contract. Can you imagine that happening where you’re from? They’re simply re-casting older misogynistic culture and customs and trying to present them as Islamic, when clearly they go against the sunnah of the Prophet, and the women of His era.
June 29th, 2008 at 11:56 am
congrats on the piece, rach. hope you’re still on cloud 9 re: confirming!
let’s catch up soon to celebrate your awesome achievement! i know, let’s go to a day spa thing. i’ve never been, have you? sounds girly and delicious and fun. massages and what-not. although, the semi-stripping and getting pushed to buy products sounds awkward. and knowing you and i, we’ll get bullied into buying EVERYTHING. hahaha! maybe we should just do coffee.
June 29th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Oh count me in!!! I have never been to one of those things although my Mum reckons there is a good one up in Daylesford (bit of a hike though) do you know of a good one? I have never been pampered and am a bit scared they might look at me and say “girl, you are beyond our help”
Hey - btw I got a mention from Bolt in the Hun blog. I don’t think he ever really got over my thrashing his butt at the mock UN seminar hehehehe.
June 29th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
LOL and I had someone email me and said that if it weren’t for his lack of belief in the morality of polygamy he’d be happy to have me as his 2nd/3rd/4th wife. See.. now he might be happy but I’m not happy even to have him as a 1st husband hahahaha. (Told Abu Yasmin who was faintly amused).